


The "Silverware on Craigslist" Incident

by SasukeUzumaki



Series: The Incidents: Naruto and Sasuke's Strange Relationship Milestones [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: I hope you like, I'm expanding this out, It's cool enough for me, M/M, More teacher/teacher, Rated T for very slight language, So there will be more, This one is slightly longer, isn't this great? A series?, originally posted here!, yay, you're special
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 02:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13848147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SasukeUzumaki/pseuds/SasukeUzumaki
Summary: Naruto cannot leave, he just can't! Sasuke tries everything in the book, from guilt tripping to threatening to sell his silverware on Craigslist, but Naruto just isn't having it. So he leaves for the week. The nerve.





	The "Silverware on Craigslist" Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I'm so glad people liked the "Daddy Incident", so I'm hoping that you'll like my expansions. This is a whole AU tacked together by specific incidents, which is why they're separate from each other.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Sasuke has lost everyone in his past. His mother and father passed in a car accident when he was very young, and his brother passed away from pneumonia, because he just wouldn’t go to the doctor. So now, not only is Sasuke scared of doctors – which seems counterintuitive – he also has this nagging fear that anyone who has meant anything to him is going to spontaneously disappear. He knows it’s kind of stupid, but he can’t help it.

And Naruto isn’t helping either.

“Hey, Sasuke,” Naruto approaches Sasuke in his classroom, “I’m uh… I’m going to visit my father.” Sasuke nods. “Up north.” Sasuke nods. “For a week.”

Sasuke looks at him.

“Wait, what?”

“I know you have pr-“

“You can’t leave for a week, Naruto.”

“Sasuke,” Naruto says calmly, “it’s okay, I’m coming back.”

“Well, how do I know that?” Sasuke’s voice is going dangerously close to the “kettle is ready” pitch again, “How do I know you’re not going to just, I dunno, move there?”

“I know you have problems with this, Sasuke –“

“Of course I have problems with this! What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing’s wrong with me!”

“Then don’t go.” Sasuke crosses his arms.

“What can I do to make things easier for you.”

Sasuke thinks for a moment. Students are beginning to come into his classroom.

“I… want you to…” Sasuke’s obviously coming up with this off the top of his head, “give me the key to you house… and let me stay. And…” Sasuke lights up suddenly, “let me sell all of your silverware on Craigslist.”

Naruto pauses.

“What?”

The students look at each other. They whisper, asking what they just got into.

“Come on, you’ll get ten per cent!”

“Why would – I bought that silverware!” Naruto cannot believe what he’s hearing.

“Yeah, well, I’m selling it, so…” Sasuke trails off, looking at Naruto expectantly.

“Look, no, Sas, no. I’m not giving you the key to my house, so you can sell my silverware on Craigslist. I need that silverware. For eating.” Naruto tries to reason.

“People used to eat without silverware, you know.”

“Look, no selling my silverware, end of discussion. You’re not getting my key, either, since now I can’t trust you.”

Sasuke pouts.

“You can’t stop me.” He declares.

“Excuse me?”

“You can’t stop me. I’ll break into your house and I’ll take them and sell them.”

“You can’t just break-“

“The only way you can stop me is if you guard your silverware.”

Naruto sighs. That’s where he was heading with this.

“I’m sorry, Sas, no can do. I gotta leave.”

Sasuke whines.

“No, you don’t!”

The students get it at this part. Sasuke’s crush became evident with the “Daddy Incident”, but it’s really starting to show much more.

“I’m going, and I’m leaving on Friday.” Naruto explained _calmly._ Calm, calm, that’s what he needed right now.

“But – but today’s Wednesday. That’s too short notice –”

“I’m sorry, Sasuke! But look, I have a surprise for you on Friday, before I leave. Okay?”

Sasuke considers this for a moment.

“Okay.”

* * *

Despite saying okay, Sasuke is _not_ okay with this. He is anything _but_ okay. He keeps telling himself that it isn’t that big a deal, Naruto’s coming back, stop being a stupid gay bitch. He can’t help it, though. What if Naruto moves there? What if Naruto leaves forever?

One would think that this would lead Sasuke to spend more time with the Calculus teacher before he left, just in case he did not come back. Unfortunately, Sasuke may be a love-sick puppy, but he can also hold a grudge.

Sasuke avoids Naruto very actively for the next few days. Naruto is slightly annoyed, but figures that this is how Sasuke deals with things, so let him do it. He hates that he feels bad, because he shouldn’t have to, but Sasuke is his best friend and he really hates making him sad. Angry is funny, sad is gut wrenchingly horrible and he prefers not to do it.

When Friday rolls around, Sasuke comes into Naruto’s classroom. Naruto had decided to attend school that day, since his flight isn’t until much later, and he needs to do some preventative damage control.

“Hey, Sas, welcome!” Naruto says.

“You said you have a surprise for me.” Sasuke says stubbornly. Naruto laughs a bit.

“Here ya go.” He tosses something Sasuke’s way. “We can stay in all weekend and watch stupid movies when I get back. I’ll even order a pizza.”

Sasuke inspects the surprise.

It’s… a stuffed cat. But it’s really cute, so he can’t be too mad _holy shit it smells like Naruto._ Sasuke tears up a bit.

 “She smells like you.” Sasuke does a sort of “I’m about to cry but I’m trying to not” pout.

Naruto chuckles, “Yup, she does. I slept in the same bed as her for a week.”

Uh oh. Maybe Naruto shouldn’t have mentioned that.

“A week?” Sasuke asks plainly.

“Yes, a week.” Naruto’s slinking a bit back at this point.

“You’ve known you were leaving for _at least_ a week, and you decided to tell me _Wednesday._ ”

“Well, I just didn’t want you to worry for so long –“

“That’s an awful excuse.”

“Besides, who plans to go across the country two days before they leave?”

“I don’t know! You? You’re pretty spontaneous!”

“Sasuke –“

“Say goodbye to your silverware, Uzumaki.” Sasuke storms out of the classroom.

Naruto sighs. Sasuke’s a bit of a train wreck at times, but otherwise he’s pretty cool. That’s what Naruto chants to himself as he tries not to throttle the man.

* * *

After school, Naruto rushes out of his classroom. Sasuke is standing there expectantly.

“You’re not going to say good-bye?” Sasuke asks.

“Goodbye, Sas, I’ve gotta leave now.”

“Fine. Bye.”

Naruto unfortunately cannot stay to decrease the damage of the fall out to come. Sasuke pouts once again.

“You’re pouting again.”

“Shut it, Haruno.”

* * *

 

Saturday

Sasuke is restless, not able to get much sleep. He keeps dreaming about the dreaded call he’s most definitely going to get, where Naruto tells him he’s moving up north with his father and he’s never going to come back and then they’re never going to get together and they’re never going to move in together and they’re never going to get married and they’re never going to have kids –

They can’t have kids anyways.

Moving on.

\-- and they’re never going to retire together and they’re never going to move to Florida together and they’re never going to – to – to…

Sasuke has fallen asleep at this point.

* * *

 

Sunday

Sasuke’s bored. He usually spends his weekend with Naruto, so now that he’s not here, his weekend just seems so… empty.

He goes grocery shopping, which isn’t nearly as fun without battling for the Shopping Cart King title. He goes to the park for fresh air to clear his head, which isn’t as fun without Naruto dragging Sasuke to go pet every dog they see. He swears Naruto has super-human vision.

They’re never going to tell each other they love each other, they’re never going to take care of each other when they’re sick, they’re never going to adopt 50 cats and name them all weird spellings of Rosemary, they’re never going to – to –

Sasuke’s asleep.

* * *

 

Monday

“So…” Sakura trails on, “how was your weekend?”

“Empty.”

“Oh my god, you are the epitome of drama. He’s coming back, Sasuke!”

“I don’t _know that!”_ Sasuke exclaims, “I don’t know that he’s coming back!”

“You don’t trust your boyfriend?”

“He – he’s not my boyfriend. We’re friends.” Sakura gives him a blank look. “That’s what he told me.”

“Did you _tell_ him how you felt?”

“I don’t feel anything. I am an emotionless crab that only scuttles along the beach hoping to pinch somebody with his claw.”

“…what the fuck?” Sakura asked quietly.

“I don’t know – my metaphors are falling a little flat.”

“No kidding.”

“This is no joking matter, Haruno! I’m dying, I am literally dying right now!” Sasuke is moving his arms wildly at this point.

“Chill, Sasuke, it’s been two days.”

“Two very, _very_ long days.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay. Whatever you say. Class is starting, it’s best to be there when your students are there.”

Sasuke sulks.

“Fine.”

The students can sense Sasuke’s despair as soon as he enters the doorway. They’re whispering to each other again.

“Morning, class.”

They laugh a little.

“Not even a good morning?” One student speaks up.

“What’s good about this morning.”

“Oh my god, someone has the love bite bad.” Another student teases.

“The love – I don’t even know what a love bite is. That sounds offensive. Don’t offend me in these trying times.”

At this point, with the way the students are laughing, Sasuke realizes that he’s making a fool of himself. He determines he doesn’t care, since obviously somebody had to fill Uzumaki’s shoes around here. No one else is going to make him feel as much of an idiot as Naruto seemed to make him, but Sasuke’s quickly catching up, he finds.

* * *

Wednesday

“So, how did you fare last night, Sasuke?” Sakura asks when he steps into the building.

“Alright.”

Sakura’s surprised, “Really?”

“Yes, Haruno, of course I’m alright. I’m not going to cry about that man the whole time he’s gone, that’s ridiculous.” Sasuke scoffs at the mere idea.

“Okay, Sasuke, whatever you say.”

Sasuke seems a bit more chipper, the students notice. Well, chipper for Mr. Uchiha, but still more up than he has been.

“Good morning, class.”

“Ayyyyyyy, it’s good today!” A student says happily.

“Yes, it is a fine day today. Unfortunately, it’s about to not be for you.”

The students show confusion on their faces.

“May I remind you that your essays are due today.”

A collective groan is heard. Sasuke smiles.

Yes, today is a good day.

* * *

Friday

Sasuke’s excited visibly as he comes into school.

“Wow, Sasuke, I never thought I’d see you smile that wide.” Sakura teases.

“Today is Friday, Naruto is supposed to fly in today.” Sasuke replies happily.

“Oh, that’s right! Good luck.”

Sasuke looks at her questioningly.

“If you don’t confess to that man I will punch your face in.”

Fair enough.

* * *

Sasuke’s crying. Sakura slowly makes her way into his class.

“What’s wrong?” She asks softly.

“Naruto isn’t coming back tonight. There’s a snow storm and the airport is shut down.”

“Oh no! I hope he’s okay.” Sakura pats Sasuke on the shoulder, “He’s coming back, babe.”

“I don’t know that.”

* * *

Saturday

Sasuke is preparing for Naruto’s return when he gets another call from him.

“Hey Sas, the storm’s still pretty bad up here. Outlook is grim for a return tonight.”

Sasuke’s throat tightens.

“You’re not coming back?” He squeaks.

“ _Tonight._ I’m not coming back tonight. I’m coming back soon, though, okay?”

Sasuke hangs up on him.

The nerve.

* * *

Sunday

Sasuke’s expecting the phone call this time.

“Why don’t you just tell me that you’re moving there? It’ll save us a lot of trouble!” Sasuke growls out.

“I’m not moving here, Sasuke, the storm is super bad!” Naruto pleaded.

“THEN LEARN TO CONTROL THE WEATHER!” Sasuke hangs up again.

He looks down at his phone. There’s literally no reason why he should be acting this way, but the thought of losing Naruto is just too much. Since his brain isn’t even able to process the thought of Naruto possibly dying, him moving away has become the end of the world.

Sasuke hates literally everything.

* * *

 

Monday

Sakura can tell easily by Sasuke’s aura that Naruto has not returned yet.

“Sasuke, he’ll come back!” Sakura tries to comfort him.

“He’s called so many times to tell me he can’t so maybe he’s just prolonging this! He’s prolonging telling me so I “Have less time to worry” or whatever excuse he had for telling me he was leaving two days before he left.” Sasuke spits it all out at once fairly quickly. He tries to catch his breath.

“Sasuke, I can under --- oh my god! Sasuke! Look who it is!” Sakura points.

And there he is. The horribly mean but intensely gorgeous man that Sasuke switches from hating with a fiery passion to loving with all his heart again.

“Hey, Sas!” Naruto waved. He’s still wearing his not work clothes. He’s obviously not meant to be here.

“NARUTO!” Sasuke exclaims. He runs to him and all but pounces on him.

“Hey, Sas! I’m so sorry, that storm was awful!” Naruto hugs Sasuke to him. “You are so tiny oh my god.”

“I thought – I thought you were going to move there!” Sasuke cries.

“I’m not going to move anywhere, Sas, not without you.”

Sasuke’s heart skips a beat as he looks up at Naruto with tearful eyes.

“Really?”

“Really. I can’t live away from you.” Naruto hugs him tighter, “Not when I love you this much.”

Sasuke just about dies right there.

“You love me?” Sasuke asks hopefully.

“Yes, I do. Didn’t realize it ‘til dad pointed it out.” Naruto pulls back from Sasuke to see his face.

“I love you, too.” Sasuke says quietly, “Haruno told me that she’s punch me in the face if I didn’t tell you.”

Naruto laughs heartily. “Did she now?”

“Yes.”

Naruto laughs as he pulls Sasuke in for a kiss. Yes, everything is okay, and everything is perfect.

“I have to get home to shower and change –”

“Noooooooo…..”

“Sasuke, I came here straight from the airport. I’m tired.” Naruto attempts to untangle himself from Sasuke, but Sasuke is certainly determined.

“How about you stay. Here. Forever.” Sasuke proposes.

“I don’t want to stay in the school forever, Sasuke, as much as I love teaching.”

“Fine.” Sasuke pouts as he lets Naruto go.

Naruto walks towards the door, “See ya, Sas!” He waves.

“Bye.” Sasuke walks towards Sakura, “You still owe me pizza!”

“I know!” Naruto exits the building.

Sasuke looks at Sakura with a smug smile. “I don’t even like pizza.”

“Why are you making him order pizza, then?” Sakura asks.

“Because he wanted to. And besides, he’ll be so happy to have more pizza.”

“You’re going to make him fat.”

“I don’t care,” Sasuke examines his fingernails, “and besides, I need a cushion. He might murder me.”

“Wait, are we talking human cushion, or did you do something cushion?” Sakura asks.

“I broke into his house and sold all his silverware on Craigslist.” Sasuke says nonchalantly.

“I thought you were kidding?” Sakura asks incredulously.

“He has to learn somehow. Besides, I don’t kid.” Sasuke winks. He starts towards his classroom.

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

Sasuke turns to wink at her.

* * *

 

 Naruto, upon getting home, opens the silverware drawer.

“Son of a-“


End file.
